Information for Men
Men, Is This You?
Have you ever hit your wife or partner? Screamed at her? Beat her or hurt her? Thrown things or broken furniture?
Do you criticize her? Put her down? Make fun of her? Interrupt or ignore her?
Do you frequently think she is seeing someone else? Do you make accusations? Do you follow her or check up on her in other ways?
Have you isolated her? Made it hard for her to see relatives or friends? Is she scared of you or reluctant to bring up certain topics?
Can you see yourself in this description?
Do you want to change?
Violence is learned behavior. You can also learn non-controlling, non-abusive behavior. At Common Purpose we ask you to examine your beliefs - we ask to you look at the following:
How Can You Change?
- What are the negative effects of your violence and abuse on your partner? On your children? On you?
- What is the intent of your violence and abuse? What are you trying to make happen?
- Why do you want to control your partner?
- Have you hurt your partner? Your children? Yourself?
- Are you afraid you will hurt your partner? Your children? Yourself?
- Do you feel guilty?
- Can you be accountable for your violence and abuse?
- Did you witness violence and abuse in your life?
- Are you tired of the cycle of abuse in your family?
- Are you always promising to change - and then becoming violent again?
At Common Purpose your first task will be to develop a safety plan:
Your safety plan can include understanding or observing the following:
Your other tasks will be to:
- When and how you are angry
- Alternatives to negative impulses
- What is a time-out?
- When should you take a time out?
- What is denial, minimizing and victim - blaming?
- Examine your violence and abuse and see how it affects others.
- Examine your beliefs about your abuse - how do you justify your violence and abuse?
- Make a short and long-term plan for change
- Speak about your abusive behavior
- Most important... you cannot be violent during the course of the Common Purpose program.